My husband used to say I’m a master in blackmailing.
And I have to admit, he has a point!
First time, I encountered the method, was at the
green age of 16. We were “kind of” dating, walking and talking for hours about
life. We were on the same page and everything was all right. Except the fact
that I felt ashamed, being not able to deliver a positive answer to my girlfriends
questioning me every single day: Nu, did you kiss? Did he kiss you? No, he
didn’t. I felt fooled. He needed some help to make that step forward. So I
developed a plan.
During our next walk he was philosophizing, as usual,
and in a flash of time I abruptly stopped nodding to his very mindful reasoning.
He felt the change of mood, asking exactly the question I was waiting for. What
is wrong? Nothing is wrong, I was saying. But do you want to know, exactly what
I’m thinking? Sure, he says, - not realizing that he is going to fall into a
trap. And here it comes, ATTENTION please, the highlight! I THINK, (pause) YOU
WANT TO KISS ME! (long pause, eyes to the earth) He was thinking for a second,
his face turning slightly red, he stopped to walk and kissed me on a cheek.
That evening I had finally some news to tell to my more experienced
girlfriends!
The second time was even better. I had finished high
school and came to his city (Yes, we were living in two different cities, in a
distance of only 600 km separating us). The idea was to enroll into college
there. We had a fair agreement and contributed equally to give a bribe to make
it all happen. (Ah folks, those were times of a post-communistic era and we
were both at the tender age of 20.) So, the bribe fulfilled its purpose and I
became a happy fresh 1st year-student. Happy, aside from the fact
that I was determined to change my relationship status. (Don’t forget, in the
post-communistic country if you were not married at the age of 20-22, you were
put into the category “old, out fashioned, hard to impart woman” and then try first
to get out of there!) We were living in his 2-bedroom apartment along with his
dad. So I said to him, you know what, I’m going to move to the student campus.
I don’t feel comfortable living with you here with your dad together. What status
do I have? Who am I? Am I your mistress? Housemaid? Or dependent? I don’t want
to be one of “them”, I have my pride after all. Also, you know, my mom was
putting pressure on me. I have to make a decision, so I decided to move out to
the campus. It hit him hard. Of course in the meantime he was used to having me
around, we enjoyed our sleepless nights and sleepless days, to be spontaneous,
to spend the whole time together. He didn’t want to let me go. Also the fact
that there could be other guys on the campus, in whom I could be theoretically
potentially interested in, didn’t calm him at all. Ok, finally he said, let’s
marry! Great, I said, when? In a few months, he said. No, I said, next year is
a leap year and I’m not going to marry in a leap year. (Did I mention, that all
people in the post-communistic countries are very superstitious?) It’s November
now, either we marry this year or we have to wait one more year and in the
meantime I’m moving to the campus. So, staying with his back to the wall, he didn’t
really have another option… other than to say merrily, yes, let’s do it!
The week after we brought our papers to the city
hall. The civil officer fulfills all the questionnaires, asking routinely: What
last name do you want to hold after marriage? My future husband says eagerly:
Everyone will keep their own last name. Inside myself I was furious, we didn’t
even discuss this question before. What’s the point of getting married and keeping
my maiden name? I remained calm in the office, smiling and shy. But as soon as
we were out on the street, I asked my fiancé: what did he mean saying we keep
our maiden names? He was perplexed. Do you want to have my name? Of course, I
want, I said. Are we going to be wife and husband and a happy family all
together? All right, he said. He came back to the officer and changed our data.
I was waiting outside feeling angry and happy at the same. I’m sure, the
woman-official was thinking: yeah, this marriage is not going to last, if it
starts with such a theater scene.
She would be surprised indeed, as this marriage
lasts to this very day. Already for 24 years to be precise. 4 beautiful
children came out of this marriage. 27th of December is our marriage
date. And to think that everything started with blackmailing. But only for
good. To help him make his best decision ever. Voilà!
