How to bring him to marry you? Blackmailing: that’s how it goes!

My husband used to say I’m a master in blackmailing. And I have to admit, he has a point!

First time, I encountered the method, was at the green age of 16. We were “kind of” dating, walking and talking for hours about life. We were on the same page and everything was all right. Except the fact that I felt ashamed, being not able to deliver a positive answer to my girlfriends questioning me every single day: Nu, did you kiss? Did he kiss you? No, he didn’t. I felt fooled. He needed some help to make that step forward. So I developed a plan.

During our next walk he was philosophizing, as usual, and in a flash of time I abruptly stopped nodding to his very mindful reasoning. He felt the change of mood, asking exactly the question I was waiting for. What is wrong? Nothing is wrong, I was saying. But do you want to know, exactly what I’m thinking? Sure, he says, - not realizing that he is going to fall into a trap. And here it comes, ATTENTION please, the highlight! I THINK, (pause) YOU WANT TO KISS ME! (long pause, eyes to the earth) He was thinking for a second, his face turning slightly red, he stopped to walk and kissed me on a cheek. That evening I had finally some news to tell to my more experienced girlfriends!

The second time was even better. I had finished high school and came to his city (Yes, we were living in two different cities, in a distance of only 600 km separating us). The idea was to enroll into college there. We had a fair agreement and contributed equally to give a bribe to make it all happen. (Ah folks, those were times of a post-communistic era and we were both at the tender age of 20.) So, the bribe fulfilled its purpose and I became a happy fresh 1^st year-student. Happy, aside from the fact that I was determined to change my relationship status. (Don’t forget, in the post-communistic country if you were not married at the age of 20-22, you were put into the category “old, out fashioned, hard to impart woman” and then try first to get out of there!) We were living in his 2-bedroom apartment along with his dad. So I said to him, you know what, I’m going to move to the student campus. I don’t feel comfortable living with you here with your dad together. What status do I have? Who am I? Am I your mistress? Housemaid? Or dependent? I don’t want to be one of “them”, I have my pride after all. Also, you know, my mom was putting pressure on me. I have to make a decision, so I decided to move out to the campus. It hit him hard. Of course in the meantime he was used to having me around, we enjoyed our sleepless nights and sleepless days, to be spontaneous, to spend the whole time together. He didn’t want to let me go. Also the fact that there could be other guys on the campus, in whom I could be theoretically potentially interested in, didn’t calm him at all. Ok, finally he said, let’s marry! Great, I said, when? In a few months, he said. No, I said, next year is a leap year and I’m not going to marry in a leap year. (Did I mention, that all people in the post-communistic countries are very superstitious?) It’s November now, either we marry this year or we have to wait one more year and in the meantime I’m moving to the campus. So, staying with his back to the wall, he didn’t really have another option… other than to say merrily, yes, let’s do it!  

The week after we brought our papers to the city hall. The civil officer fulfills all the questionnaires, asking routinely: What last name do you want to hold after marriage? My future husband says eagerly: Everyone will keep their own last name. Inside myself I was furious, we didn’t even discuss this question before. What’s the point of getting married and keeping my maiden name? I remained calm in the office, smiling and shy. But as soon as we were out on the street, I asked my fiancé: what did he mean saying we keep our maiden names? He was perplexed. Do you want to have my name? Of course, I want, I said. Are we going to be wife and husband and a happy family all together? All right, he said. He came back to the officer and changed our data. I was waiting outside feeling angry and happy at the same. I’m sure, the woman-official was thinking: yeah, this marriage is not going to last, if it starts with such a theater scene.

She would be surprised indeed, as this marriage lasts to this very day. Already for 24 years to be precise. 4 beautiful children came out of this marriage. 27^th of December is our marriage date. And to think that everything started with blackmailing. But only for good. To help him make his best decision ever. Voilà!